A special place in hell

Scene:

Present Perfect in downtown Portland.

I am trying to purchase a card for a co-worker. The lady working at the store takes note of my pregnancy and decides she needs to start commenting on it.

Evil Old Lady: So, are you having a summer baby?

Me: [Realizing what is coming] Yes. August.

Evil Old Lady: “August!! By the looks of you, it could be a spring baby! Are you sure there aren’t TWO in there?”

Me: Uh, no. Just one. She is big.

Evil Old Lady: It’s a she? What’s her name?

Me: Holland

Evil Old Lady: Holland? Are you going to call her “Holland Oats?” [laughs]

Me: [speechless]

Evil Old Lady: Have you heard that one yet?

Me: Uh…no. [Slowly backs away from the lady and exits the store.]

I heart being pregnant

JK. I am sitting here on my couch watching the cats lick eachother. They are friends! They never do it when I have my camera handy, though. I had to leave work early today because I have felt sick all week and today it finally caught up with me. According to the internet, my uterus is the size of a soccer ball. I can feel said uterus under my rib cage and it makes me naseous.  Literally, it makes me naseous, not just the thought of it. I am a month away from my third trimester. Can’t wait!

In other news, I finally got a computer of my very own, which is pretty much the most exciting thing that has happend to me in, oh, about 6 months. I made chili this week and it turned out AMAZING. Oh, and the Office is on tonight. Wow, i lead an exciting life.

To close, I would like to introduce a new feature called “Rude Things Complete Strangers Have Said to Me This Week.”

“What does your husband do?” Oh, I am not married, but thanks old man I don’t know. Please pray for my illegitimate child!

“You are due in AUGUST?! But you are SO BIG! Are you having TWINS?” Thanks Safeway Checker Lady. I appreciate your concern. Please rot in hell.